The Thriving Marriage- The Psychologist and Counselor’s Formula

The Thriving Marriage- The Psychologist and Counselor’s Formula

The ‘honeymoon period’ is notorious for its ability to show both you and your partner everything through rose-colored glasses.

But what happens when that period ends and you find yourself seeing your relationship in a different light altogether?

The truth is that being married can sometimes be downright difficult. But, as humans we undeniably crave a deep, intimate relationship with another person.

We want our relationships to work, and beyond that, we want them to thrive.

To help you with the beautiful mission of growing and maintaining a happy and healthy marriage, we’ve listed the 10 best partnership tips from psychologists and counselors.

From understanding finances to saying ‘I love you’ in a way that matters, they’ve provided some awesome advice that’ll make your chances at happily-ever-after a little bit better.

#1 Find the Good

A happy marriage doesn’t mean you have the perfect spouse or marriage. No man or woman is perfect. A happy marriage simply means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Instead of succumbing to anger, falsehood, moodiness, and hate, challenge yourself to find the good in your partner regardless of how testing the circumstances may be. An important part of any relationship is to understand and make reasonable allowances for the failings of your partner.

When you focus on the good qualities that attracted you to the other in the first place, it becomes easier to overlook the little annoyances. So find the good, and then stay focused on it.

#2 Find your Happy

Being two happy individuals makes a happy marriage.

When you feel good, you exude more positivity and effort into the partnership. Go out and discover for yourselves what makes you happy indivually and that self-care will translate to a happier state of marriage. And, if you’re feeling low from a bad day or issue, get help from the other with transparency and honesty to find a solution together.

Remember: The best version of you brings out the best in your marriage.

#3 Don’t expect too much

Sadly, movies and entertainment have set the standards too high for any relationship or marriage. Throw away your expectations for a love story that mimics the plot line of Titanic, and start creating your own version of perfect love.

The more clarity you have on what kind of love you want (the kind that cuddles and watches movies together on Fridays, or the kind that raves together at EDM parties)- the more you’ll be able to work towards bringing that to life.

This clear-eyed approach to your love story should also accept your partner for who he/she is. Remember, he/she is another human being who you are actively creating a life with. Ground your expectations in your beautiful life and you’ll likely find yourself appreciating your reality far more.

“When you adopt a realistic and compassionate approach to your partner and life, you grow in understanding and maturity, hence your relationship becomes rewarding.” – Dr. Nisha Khanna

#4 Make Your Marriage a Priority

It’s no secret that marriage requires work from both parties. If one partner is active and the other is passive, then it’s quite common that the active partner loses interest eventually and the marriage fails.

Take the time to get both yourself and your partner on the same page. Make it a point to prioritize your union on a day to day basis- making your marriage a priority means that it takes precedence over other avenues of your life.

Doing something like skipping your favourite TV show for some quality time going for a walk with your partner can speak volumes about your love and devotion to the other. 

#5 Express love every day

I’m sure you’ve heard of the statement, action speaks louder than words?

Well, that’s very true when it comes to marriage.

While saying “I Love You” on a day to day basis will keep it top of mind for both you and your partner, take it a step further by proving it.

Cook their favourite meal, wear their favourite outfit of yours- small heasture like this will add up in no time.

Also, consider the way that they want you to love them. Do they feel loved when you buy them spontaneous gifts? Do they prefer hand-written notes? Tailor your approach to their preferences and it surely won’t go unnoticed.

#6 Celebrate each other

In marriage, when we honor and celebrate each other, we’re freed up to be the best people we can be.

Make every day a celebration of the best in your relationship and in each other.

“There’s nothing called as a good or bad marriage, it’s how you build it. Marriage is defined by the two people involved in it”- Dr. Shifra Lodi, Clinical Psychologist

Life can get hard so make sure you take every opportunity to celebrate one another not only for the people that you are, but the accomplishments you make in daily life.

#7 Never use the “D” word

What word should you never use in a marriage?


Unless you truly mean it. But oftentimes, it’s less about intent and more of a cheap-shot and loose-cannon sort of reaction.

And you know what? It does real damage.

Promise one another to refrain from using the word ‘divorce’- regardless of how heated the argument may get. Remember that arguments will happen, but staying respectful and true to the integrity of your marriage is most important during these times.

#8 Invest Time

“When your relationships are disrupted by technology rather than enhanced they’ll only last as long as your battery does.”- Jay Shetty

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s reported that couples only spent 30 minutes per day to 5 hours a week together of undisrupted time (no TV, computer or otherwise).

I think that’s an utterly shocking statistic, and I’m sure you do too.

Let’s make it a point of doubling and tripling that number by putting the phone away before bed, planning a picnic instead of dinner in front of the TV, and planning for other quality time together.

Without a doubt, it will pay off.

#9 Communicate properly

Communication involves sharing of feelings. Speak directly and honestly without blaming each other during conflicts and disagreements. And sometimes you’ll find, it’s best to just agree to disagree.

A large part of communication is also listening- so listen actively not only when there is a problem to be solved, but also to keep that presence with your partner on a daily basis.

Plus, when communicating make sure you avoid comparisons, assumptions, accusations and disrespectful language.

“By comparing or building your expectations in a marriage based on movies and other means of media is futile because they are depicting fantasy, also never compare your marriage with other marriages because each relationship has its own dynamics”- Dr. Shifra Lodi, Clinical Psychologist

#10 Develop a sense of humor

True life is a serious business, but a little fun and laughter now and then do plenty of good. Humour is an all-around tonic and love also grows strong when its nourished with a healthy sense of humor. It not only improves communications, it also develops a bond (and not to mention, inside jokes!).

When things get you down, rather than anger, find a reason to laugh and you will see that the stress simply melts away. Then, with this perspective, you can understand the conflict with your partner in a more in-depth manner.

And there you have it. It’s not diamonds and flowers that make a marriage, but the little things—and taking these small, simple steps over time will yield bigger happier results.

Review this article with your partner and commit to picking 2-3 of these steps to really focus on and perfect in a given time period. Then, when you feel comfortable, add another few steps. Soon, you’ll find yourselves well on your way to developing more happiness and health in your relationship.


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